From a College Senior On Her Graduation Day (Re: COVID-19)

"Today, I am announcing that the 32 Minnesota State colleges and universities that are currently on Spring Break will suspend classes March 16-22, with classes resuming March 23.  The five Minnesota State colleges that have Spring Break scheduled the week of March 16-20 will suspend classes March 23-29, with classes resuming March 30."

   Little did I know, when I first read them, that these words would mark the beginning of the end.  Two months ago, I was living carefree and happy, thrift shopping with friends who were home for spring break and worrying about which dress I liked best.  Then, my world stopped.  First came the extensions - one extra week of spring break (hooray!) and then a second.  As time dragged on, the growing dread in my gut told me that life was over - or at least life as I knew it.  Then, they told us they were moving our face-to-face classes online.  I was so sad; "I miss my professors and classmates." "How am I supposed to hang out with friends if we can't see each other?" I had a million questions. And then they told us: commencement is cancelled.

   My heart shattered.  No more classroom potlucks.  No more coffee dates.  And now I don't get the chance to celebrate the biggest accomplishment of my life.  How will I say goodbye to the professors and advisors who helped shape my college experience into the best four years of my life?  Will I ever see my friends again?  Those first few nights were spent in bed, crying myself to sleep as I railed at God for what He was doing.  Why is He ruining my life?

   Now, before you tell me that this issue does not revolve around me, I know.  I understand that people are sick and dying, families and economies falling apart, and people giving up, as they give in to their own hopelessness.  My life, like many of yours, has been touched by the hands of death and anguish that seem to be everywhere today.  This situation is about so much more than me and my silly, little commencement ceremony.  That one cancellation is not the end of the world.  But, for one brief moment, it was the end of mine.

   In the aftermath of those first few days, I have found my footing, as we all were forced to do.  I got up every day, got on with classes, went back to my job (which I recognize that I am so blessed to have in this time of uncertainty), and kept going.  The world kept spinning, and it was time to put on my big girl pants and be an adult.

   Part of being an adult is taking the time to grieve.  I learned this very quickly.  A few weeks ago, one of my professors spoke to us about anticipatory grief, or the grief that you experience before death or loss.  This can occur as you watch a family-member slowly waste away, as you fear a big change in the future, or you mourn the loss of a commencement ceremony.  Over the last few weeks, I have been experiencing this type of grief.  And that is okay.  It is healthy to take time to grieve.  It is good to cry, scream, and mourn what you have lost, are losing, or will lose.  So that is what I have been doing these last few weeks.

   Eventually, everything will normalize.  There will be jobs, coffee dates, and church services.  There is hope at the end of this long, dark tunnel.  So for now, I cry and I count my blessings: I have an internship and a bright future ahead.  I am graduating, by God's will and on His strength, Summa Cum Laude.  My family is all healthy and, for the most part, safe.  I have food on the table, a roof over my head, and toilet paper in my bathroom.  And I still have Jesus.  If there is one thing I have learned from this time, it's that Jesus cares about our emotions.  So allow yourselves to grieve, even the little things, and support others as they do the same.  This is not a time for repressed emotions and division, but for love and genuine care.  And finally, remember that Jesus is with us always... even now.